Breathing: Part II
by Shunyata Ryuen
Summary: Five months have passed since the revelations of the Carnival, and the Suzaku 7 find themselves on the verge of the promised conflict. How can one small boy create so much danger? Rated R for adult situations. Nuri/Hori. Ch. 4.
1. I

****Please Read This First****

(err, the note.  not the header. :P)

**Author's Note:**  This is, indeed, Part II of Breathing.  If you're wondering why it's been turned into a completely new story, that's because Part II is a very definite **R-rating**, whereas Part I is barely even PG-13.  Rather than tacking this onto the end of Breathing I and changing the whole story to R, I've elected to leave Part I as it is and start a new fic with this.

That said, I'll now tell you WHY this part is rated R.  

Ryuuen and Saihitei have been married, albeit not legally, since April.  With that sort of commitment, I find it unrealistic that they would not have at least attempted a physical relationship of some kind.  Keeping that in mind, I've decided that it's time to address that issue within the context of the story, thus changing the rating to a definite **R**.  **_If this offends you, or if you're young enough that your parents would send me a mail bomb if they found you reading this, then please don't read it._**   :P  There's nothing graphic, however, and Mouse-chan assures me that all material discussed here is done in a tasteful manner.

So.  Okay, then.  Just wanted to warn you.  *nod*  Thanks for your time, and for bothering to read the long and arduous author's note.  ...reviews are welcome. ^_^.

~Ryuen

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**B R E A T H I N G **

~part 2~

~*~

_five months later_

"Oh, Taka, don't be silly!  Of course we're having Thanksgiving here!"  

Rubbing his shoulder where Miaka had smacked it, Taka shifted in his chair.  His morning coffee steamed in front of him, cooling in a heart-covered Valentine's mug, but he didn't drink.  Despite his protestations, Miaka had insisted on making it for him, and although she'd finally mastered the correct sequence of coffeemaker buttons, she'd managed to dump four spoonfuls of sugar in before he'd told her to stop.   An honest mistake--she'd been quite involved in reading the comics at the time--but not one Taka intended to glorify by actually _drinking_ the stuff.  Taking a quick bite from his bagel, he studied his girlfriend for a moment, then sighed.  

"Miaka," he said gently, "I know you really want to have it here, but I just don't think we have the room.  How would we seat everyone?"  
  


"We could get more chairs, and some of those little fold-up card tables!  Or we could sit on the floor!"  
  


Taka choked on his bagel.  "On the _floor?_  For Thanksgiving?  Are you crazy?  Look at that carpet!"  He jabbed a finger at the white rug, spotless and recently vacuumed.  "Miaka, I'm not paying for new carpeting just so we can have Thanksgiving here.  Juan and Shouka already said they wouldn't mind having it at their apartment.  And anyway, do you really think you're up to making...well, a meal?"  
  


Folding her arms over her pajama top, Miaka glared.  "I could do it!" she protested.  "It's not _that_ hard to make a stupid turkey.  And, anyway, Ryuu-chan would help me!" 

Hearing the jangle of a doorknob, the pair turned, and were just in time to watch a sleepy Ryuuen yawn his way into the living room.  Not surprisingly, he wore his usual winter sleep ensemble--satiny purple pajama pants with a faded grey sweatshirt--and despite the two weeks that had passed since he'd gotten his hair cut, he still looked surprised at scratching his head and finding it so short.  After a few moments of gratuitous stretching, he turned blinking eyes to Miaka.  "What would I help you with, now?"

Miaka smiled sweetly.  "With, um...with making Thanskgiving dinner for everybody on Thursday--oh, _pleeeeeease_ say yes, Ryuu-chan, I really want to have it here but Taka doesn't want us to, _pleeeeaaaaase_!"  
  


Laughing, the eighteen-year-old crossed to the table and sat down beside her.  His movements were confident and assured, so different from the sad, tentative person Taka had gotten to know over the years--and it wasn't just his posture that had changed, either.  He smiled more easily now, laughing at Genrou's stupidest jokes and even making a few of his own, and there was a resiliency about him that had never been there before.  Things that would once have bothered him--things that would once have hurled him into a fit of tears--now seemed barely to touch him.  Or maybe, Taka correctly mentally, it wasn't so much that they didn't _touch_ him, but that he was strong enough, now, to deal with them and move on.  He was stronger.  He was the best of Ryuuen and Nuriko, and the older man couldn't remember ever having seen him so happy.

_I guess nearly dying and then finding out that you're really the reincarnation of an ancient warrior will do that to a person._

"Miaaaaaaka," Ryuuen said with a smile, clasping his hand over hers, "I'd love to help, but I really think Shouka was looking forward to doing it this year.  But, ne, even if we don't have Thanksgiving here, we can still make something to bring; how about sweet potato pie?"  
  


"Ooooh, sweet potato pie!"  The girl began to bounce in her seat, the movement sending a ring of coffee sloshing onto Taka's saucer.  "I _looove _sweet potato pie!!  Okayyyyy, I guess we can have it at their house, then.  But next year we're having it here--no buts, Taka."

"I guess we could put a tarp down on the carpet," Taka muttered. 

Ryuuen laughed.  "That's the spirit, Tama-chan.  Ne, do either of you guys want some eggs?"  He stood up, brushing imaginary dirt from the front of his sweatshirt; a tiny flush had crept into his cheeks.  "I'm making some for me and Sai."  
  


Miaka and Taka exchanged glances.  

"Sai is having _eggs_ for breakfast?" Taka asked at last.

Miaka giggled.  "Does he know?"  
  


Ryuuen turned quickly to the silverware drawer, tugging it open to retrieve a spatula, but Taka saw enough of his face before he turned.  

"Okay, Ryuuen--" He grinned.  "--what's up?"  
  


Spatula held before him like a weapon, Ryuuen spun.  "Up?"  He blinked innocently, violet tufts of hair falling over his eyes.  "Nothing's up.  Why would anything be up?"  

"Oooooooh, I know!" Miaka squealed.  She leaped up from her chair, bare feet slapping on the kitchen tile, and dashed over to the refrigerator.  There, she jabbed a finger at the calendar and grinned triumphantly at Ryuuen.  "It's sommmmmebody's anniversaryyyy!" she sang.

Taka blinked.  "What?  It can't be!  You guys got married in April."  He chuckled.  "Sai was barely legal."

Ryuuen glared good-naturedly. "_None_ of it was legal, Taka.  We're both guys, remember?"  His face lightened, then, a small smile tugging at his lips; as he spoke, he twisted shyly at the band on his ring-finger.  "And anyway, this isn't the anniversary of that.  It's the anniversary of . . . something else."  
  


"Oh?"  Forgetting its deadly sugar content, Taka took a sip of his coffee; he managed to avoid spitting it out, however, and instead muffled the taste with a large bite of bagel.  "What's it the anniversary of, then?" he mumbled, still chewing.

Ryuuen blushed.  "Our...our first kiss."

Despite the fact that she'd already known the punchline, Miaka tilted her head to the side and cooed, "Awwwwwwww!"

Cheeks deepening to scarlet, Ryuuen turned away and bent to open a cupboard.  From within it, he pulled out a wooden-handled frying pan, which he thunked onto the stove before bustling over to the refrigerator.  Miaka was kind enough to stop cooing and step out of his way, but as he pulled the egg carton, stick of butter, and milk jug out, she started bouncing and clapping her hands together.

"Oooooh, Ryuu-chan!" she chirped.  "I know _just_ the thing to make this perfect!!"  Grinning, the girl dashed to a nearby drawer and, as Ryuuen stared at her blankly, sifted through a pile of dish towels before finally producing a square red object.

"Here!" she said triumphantly, plopping the thing into his hand.  "It's for toast.  Isn't it cute??"  
  


Ryuuen peered at the object, a square cookie-cutter with the words "I LOVE YOU" and a heart carved into it; Taka, shaking his head, returned to his bagel.  

After a few moments of silence, Ryuuen smiled and pulled Miaka into a hug.  "Thanks, Miaka," he said, and Taka found he sounded absolutely sincere.  "It's just what I need.  Ne, though--"  He stepped back, glancing at the breakfast supplies he'd deposited on the counter.  "--do you think you guys could...ah...well--"  
  


"Get out of your way for awhile?"  Taka smiled.  "No problem."  
  


Miaka gave a hearty nod of agreement.  "Hai!  We can go visit Shouka and Juan--ne, Taka?--and tell them about Thanksgiving!  I'll go get dressed!"

And with that, she bounded out of the kitchen, through the living room, and into her and Taka's bedroom.  Once the door had closed, Ryuuen shook his head and returned his attention to the stove, dropping a slice of butter into the pan with a sizzle.  "I don't know where she gets her energy," he mused.  

There was a comfortable silence for a few moments, Ryuuen cracking the eggs and depositing the insides into the pan, Taka flipping through the newspaper.  After a few moments, however, Taka glanced up at his friend, eyebrows coming together in sudden realization.

"Ryuuen," he said, "isn't tomorrow the monthly check-up?"  
  


The younger man didn't turn from the stove, but his shoulders stiffened slightly.  It seemed a long time before he answered.  "Nothing is wrong with my heart, Taka," he said quietly.

Caught off guard by the sudden change of mood, Taka took another sip of his sugar-saturated coffee.  Sadly, he was actually starting to get used to the taste; he brought the mug to his lips once more before continuing the discussion.  "I know.  But, didn't you and Sai agree that you would go, anyway?"  
  


Sighing, Ryuuen turned around; the spatula twitched in his fingers, a light coating of grease glistening on the metal.  "We did.  But she checked me out in June, after I missed that first appointment, and then she checked me out in July, and then she checked me out in August, and then September, and then October, and...nothing's wrong with me, Taka.  She must know that by now, but she still insists on scheduling these pointless monthly check-ups.  I just...I just think that maybe I should stop going, especially since I have more important things to think of now."

Taka sighed.  "Ryuuen, Shouka told you not to get your hopes up."  

Hearing the eggs' sizzling growing more urgent, Ryuuen turned back to the stove.  "I'm not," he said at last.  "But..."  

There was a long pause, during which Ryuuen slid the spatula beneath the eggs, both nicely-browned, and flopped them onto the plates he'd left on the counter.  Once that was done, he laid the spatula down, turned back to his friend, and drew a deep breath.  

"Taka," he said slowly, arms folded over his chest, "Sai and I deciding to...to try to adopt...  It wasn't just an idle decision.  It _came_ to me one night, and I really think--"  Ryuuen's eyes seemed, all of a sudden, to possess some rich inner glow, and despite the solemn tone of his words, he was smiling.  "I really think that Suzaku wants Sai and I to adopt," he murmured.  "I really think that whatever he's preparing us for has to do, somehow, with this.  With adopting.  And I know it sounds nuts.  But I just get this...this feeling."  He shook his head.  "So, I am getting my hopes up.  I am getting them up, because I _know_ that this adoption is going to go through.  I _know_ that even though we're both guys, and even though we're only eighteen, and even though it usually takes months or even years to get a child, that we're going to get one."  His right hand traveled to the center of his chest, and this time there was no mistaking the smile in his words.  "I know it right here."

~*~

It was the scent of eggs that woke him, and even in his state of grogginess, he knew that they were for him.  As a highly-regimented individual, he woke each weekday morning at six thirty, poured himself a bowl of Special-K, splashed on some milk, and that was breakfast.  Occasionally, he would add a few strawberries or perhaps deign to have a slice of buttered toast, but that was the extent of the variation.  Ryuuen, on the other hand, seemed to make a game of _never_ having the same meal twice in one year, and often heated up whatever leftovers were in the fridge for his breakfast.  Yet, despite their differing tastes, their anniversary never failed to produce a traditional breakfast from Ryuuen.  

Of course, Sai mused, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, now they would have _two _anniversaries, one of that historic first kiss, and one of their wedding in April.  Perhaps _he_ would make breakfast for the second, although Suzaku knew he would probably need to hire someone to do it.  He'd become fairly skilled at cooking simple things over the years, mostly reading instructions from boxes, but Ryuuen...Ryuuen deserved something better than microwave pierogies or macaroni and cheese.  Perhaps they could go out to a breakfast buffet, then off for a walk in the park or something...

"Saaaaaaiiii, I know you're awake in there."

Realizing with a start that he'd been sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off into space for almost five full minutes, he stood and glanced at the door.  "My deepest apologies," he offered with a smile.  

In a few steps, he'd reached the door and pulled it towards him; he was still clad in his pajamas, blue satin ones Ryuuen had picked out a few weeks earlier, but he didn't intend to change.  It was tradition; the day of The Anniversary was spent eternally in pajamas, usually starting off with a big breakfast and then segueing into a sappy movie-fest in the living room.  The rest of the day was anyone's guess, although it usually involved Trivial Pursuit, Chess, and a great deal of snuggling.  

"Good morning," he said, smiling out at Ryuuen.  Before he could help himself, his hand went out to touch that soft, boyishly-short hair, letting the silken violet wash through his fingers.  "I really am proud of you for that, you know," he said softly. 

Ryuuen blushed, one hand going automatically to his head.  "It wasn't anything special, Sai.  Just...just a haircut." 

Tugging the door the rest of the way open, Sai slid forward and placed his hands on Ryuuen's shoulders; he waited until those rosy-violet eyes were on his before continuing.  "Sweetheart, I know why you kept your hair long before.  It's the same reason you kept it long...then.  To hide.  But now that it's short--"  He shook his head, leaning down to kiss Ryuuen, very lightly, on the tip of the nose.  "Now, you have nothing to hide.  Now _we_ have nothing to hide."  

Ryuuen threw him a lopsided grin.  "We're going to have nothing to _eat_ if we don't get out there in a minute.  Miaka and Taka haven't left yet, and...well, I'm afraid Miaka has a selective memory when it comes to food.  I don't think she'll remember that it's ours until after she's eaten it."

Chuckling, Sai drew the smaller man into a hug and held him tightly, whispers of violet hair tickling his chin.  "Happy anniversary," he murmured.

"Saaaaaaiiiiiii," Ryuuen giggled, slightly muffled with his face pressed to the younger man's chest.  "I'm serious about Miaka.  I spent too much time making this breakfast for us not to eat any of it."  After a moment of mock-struggling, he pulled himself free, but rather than spinning towards the kitchen, he leaned forward, wrapped his arms around Sai's neck, and kissed him lightly on the lips.  "And happy anniversary to you, too."  

"OOOH!" came a squeal from the kitchen.  "Eggs!"

~*~

They had eaten breakfast, watched a few sappy movies, played a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit, and snuggled enough to make that laundry detergent bear nauseous.  Now, sitting on the couch with Ryuuen's head on Sai's shoulder, Sai's arm on the armrest, they found themselves staring at the far wall in silence.  

"So," Sai said, feeling Ryuuen shifting against him, "what shall we do now?"

Finding himself answered only with silence, the man turned his head to the left, and found Ryuuen still gazing into space, albeit with a slightly-less vacant expression on his face.

"Ryuuen?"

The apartment was silent and empty around them; Miaka and Taka had left only a few minutes after Ryuuen detached the girl from their breakfast, and the pair had sworn not to return until evening.  Given that it was only early afternoon, that left them several hours of alone-time for just about anything that they might want to do.  

Sai sat up a little straighter.

Just about...anything...

_Saihitei, don't be silly.  I'm sure he's not trying to imply that we...that we do _that_._

Frowning, he took Ryuuen's chin in his hand and drew those rosy eyes to his own.  "Ryuuen?  Sweetheart, are you all right?"

Ryuuen's eyes were large and dark, the long black lashes fluttering as he spoke.  "Sai," he said softly, "I've...I've been thinking about this a lot lately."  His cheeks darkened.  "I mean...  Sai, you've been very patient with me, when a lot of other guys wouldn't have been."

The younger man sighed.  "Ryuuen, I'd rather not do anything just because you feel you owe it to m--"  He cut off, startled, as two slender fingers were pressed to his lips.

"No," Ryuuen said quietly, "listen.  You've been very patient with me.  After we got married, and we...  After that first night, when I told you that I didn't really want to...to do that anymore, you didn't press me, and--well, I really think I'm ready now."  
  


"Ryuuen, it's all right if we don't, it really is.  If you're not ready, we don't have to do anything.  I love you--"  He brought the man's small hand to his mouth and kissed it.  "--and I don't _need_ that to be happy.  All I need is you."

Ryuuen shook his head.  "Sai, before...I was afraid.  It's scary, doing something like that.  Ne?  Showing--"  He blushed.  "Showing all of yourself to someone, and...and I guess I've just spent so long hiding that it was hard to do that, even with you.  Even after we got married.  But, Sai, you said it yourself.  I don't need to hide anymore, and I've...I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  I _want_ us to do this.  I want to be closer to you, and I want to share this with you.  I know we've done it before, but--"  
  


"But, you never really wanted to do it then, did you?" Sai asked quietly.  "You only did it because...because that was what was expected of you."

It seemed, suddenly, the his heart was tearing within him, burning into pieces in his chest.  _He didn't want to.  He didn't want to then, but he pretended that he did and I let myself believe him...I let myself believe him because _I_ wanted to and I thought he did, too.  Oh, dear God, Ryuuen, what have I done?_  
  


"It wasn't...it wasn't _all_ bad," Ryuuen said after a moment.  Unconsciously, the smaller man had wrapped his arms over his chest, cheek still resting on Sai's shoulder.  "I mean, it...it felt...kinda good, I guess.  But you're right, I...I didn't really want to do it so much as I wanted to do what you wanted me to do."  He laughed, a melodic, rolling sound that echoed through the apartment like a song.  "It sounds so stupid to me now, but it seemed like the right thing to do then."

"Ryuuen," Sai said seriously, "truly.  I don't want to rush you into anything."

_Not again.  Not ever_.  
  


But, Ryuuen got his legs beneath him, slid from the couch, and rose to his feet.  Standing there, violet hair dangling in his eyes, sweatshirt hanging heavy on his small shoulders, he extended a hand and waited for Sai to take it.  "I'm ready," he said.  His eyes were wide and serious.  "I want to do this.  For real this time."  
  


Sai kept his face cautiously neutral.  "Promise?"

In answer, the smaller man tugged him to his feet--not terribly difficult given his new-found strength--and rose on tip-toe to kiss him.  "Promise," he said.

And before Sai could ask him, _again_, if he was entirely sure that this was what he wanted, Ryuuen was pulling him along behind him, and only a few seconds later, they were stepping in through the bedroom doorway.  Despite the absence of anyone else in the house, Ryuuen pushed the door shut behind them; he even, Sai noticed with some amusement, hurried over to the bathroom door and pushed that closed, too, although he was fairly sure that the likelihood of anyone emerging from there was slim.  

And then...they stood.

Ryuuen stood with his back against the bathroom door, looking nervous despite his earlier protestations; Sai, meanwhile, waited in the center of the room, halfway between the bed and the door, unmoving and studying the other man.  Afternoon sunlight, bleached by the half-inch of snow on the ground, flooded in through the window, bathing the room in white light.  He knew that that light would shine on his hair, making him seem surrounded by a halo of light, and that it would glitter in his eyes, turning amber to burnished gold.  And yet, standing there, he found that he didn't care that the light flattered him, or that very soon, he was going to be exploring the body of the person he loved most in the world.  Strangely, none of that mattered to him at that moment.  

All that mattered, he found, was Ryuuen, and coaxing that unease and that fear from his features--making this special for him, something that he didn't have to be afraid of.  He wanted to make this something beautiful, something that joined them--not something that one wanted to do and the other just went along with.  No.  Something beautiful.  Something...perfect.

And the only way to do that, he knew, was to make Ryuuen feel comfortable.  He started to move towards the older man, taking slow, careful steps; Ryuuen's shoulders tensed slightly, and a flicker of anxiety touched his features.  

"It's all right," Sai told him softly.  "We don't have to rush into anything.  Here."  After covering the last of the distance between them, he brought his hands gently to Ryuuen's cheeks and rested them there.  "Here," he said again, very softly, "I'll just...kiss you.  Nothing to be afraid of there, right?  Just a kiss."  
  


Ryuuen gave a slightly-shaky nod and tilted his face upward; Sai leaned in slowly, careful to keep his movements calm and unrushed, and pressed his lips very lightly to Ryuuen's own.  After only a moment of embrace, he drew back, letting his hands sink to Ryuuen's shoulders, and gave him a reassuring smile.  

"You can tell me to stop any time," he said firmly.  "I know I said that the last time, too, but this time, I'm trusting you to actually _tell_ me if you want to stop."  
  


"I-I will," Ryuuen said.  His voice sounded slightly breathy, as if he were having trouble drawing enough air into his lungs.  "Let's...let's just--"  His voice got smaller.  "Let's just go over there."  His head ducked towards the bed, the blankets a tangle that drooped off the edge of the mattress.

Nodding, Sai took him by the hands and led him to the bed; the younger man was the first to sit down, lowering himself gracefully onto the edge, and Ryuuen followed a moment afterwards.  Their shoulders touched, their fingers still intertwined.  They sat like that for few moments, leaning into each other, and then Ryuuen drew a deep breath, pushed himself a few inches backwards on the mattress, and pulled the sweatshirt up over his head.  And even with the new length of his hair, Sai found that it was something of a visual surprise, to see such soft, feminine features matched with a flat, smooth chest.  

Even so deep into winter, Ryuuen still possessed a terrible tan-line; over the years, Sai couldn't remember the smaller man _ever_ having removed his shirt in public, even during occasions when swimming was involved.  Always, there was the concealing T-shirt, the shape of which was clearly visible on the man's body now.    

Sensing Ryuuen about to wrap his arms self-consciously around himself, Sai began to work at the buttons of his own pajama top, undoing them with forced slowness to let Ryuuen know that he wouldn't rush him.  After a moment, though, the older man slid forward and took over the task, shaky fingers rushing from button to button with barely a pause between.

Struck with sudden suspicion, Sai caught Ryuuen's fingers at the last button and, peering concernedly at the man's face, drew the small hand to his heart.  "Ryuuen, if you're just doing this to do it and get it over with, then sweetheart, that's not the right reason to do it.  Please don't do this if you're not entirely comfortable with it.  Please."  He brought a hand to that smooth cheek and caressed it gently.  "I've hurt you enough with this, haven't I?  Don't let me hurt you again."  
  


But, Ryuuen shook his head.  "No," he said quietly.  And then, more firmly:  "No.  I want to do this, Sai.  I'm just..."  He shrugged, a jerky little motion.  "I-I'm just afraid, that's all.  I mean, the other time, it was okay if you didn't like it, because I wasn't really...well, into it, but this time...this time, if you don't like it..."  
  


Before the smaller man could finish the sentence, Sai had scooted forward and pulled him into a hug.  "Honey," he breathed, "don't worry about that.  This is about you, all right?  Don't worry about me.  I'll be happy no matter what.  I promise."  

Apparently, Ryuuen suddenly realized that they were both naked from the waist up and touching, because he went very rigid; Sai was just preparing to release him, about to tell him that it was really all right, he clearly didn't want to do this, and they could try again some other time...when Ryuuen let out a long breath and relaxed into his embrace.  

It was an odd sensation, as if their flesh were somehow melting together, and he found himself leaning into it until he could feel Ryuuen's heartbeat racing against his own.  

"Are you sure?" he whispered into the smaller man's ear.  "Are you _sure_ you want to do this?  I promise, I won't be angry."

Ryuuen slipped free of his embrace, leaving him feeling cold and strangely empty, but only a moment later, those rosy eyes were just in front of him.  And, he found with a smile, the sunlight made them even more beautiful than his own.

"I'm sure," Ryuuen said.  He was smiling.  

And then their lips met, and all other thought faded.  They had never invested much in french kissing, both finding the procedure messy and somewhat disgusting; now, they held to that code, but even so, there was something different in the embrace now.  It wasn't that it was more urgent, or more passionate, or even that they were doing anything much differently than always; it was just, simply, that this kiss was being done as a knowing prelude to more, and that knowledge ran through it like a tingle of electricity.  It seemed only a heartbeat later that Sai found himself on his back on the bed, Ryuuen a warm weight on top of him.  

Wanting the smaller man to be as comfortable as possible, Sai twisted gently to the right, letting Ryuuen slide onto the bed beside him; this done, Sai, now lying on his side, pulled Ryuuen to him and held him close.  They had slept like this so often, warm in each other's arms, that for a moment Sai almost forgot what lay ahead of them; he remembered, however, as Ryuuen tensed a bit, drew a preparatory breath, and then kissed him tentatively on the shoulder.  The small man looked up at him, then, an expression of near-fear on his features; Saihitei answered by rubbing slow, comforting circles on the man's back, and Ryuuen leaned down to kiss his bare skin again.  

He could feel Ryuuen trembling in his arms, knew that he was afraid and unsure, so he gripped the small shoulders and pulled the smaller man up a bit, just enough so their eyes were level.  Then, as those wide eyes blinked at him, he looped his fingers through Ryuuen's own and then leaned down to kiss him on the cheek.  

Ryuuen giggled, clearly taken aback at the suddenly-chaste embrace, and when the laughter faded, Sai found to his surprise that the trembles had stopped.  

"You're still you," Ryuuen whispered, staring up at him with wide, dark eyes.  "Us...  We're still the same.  This isn't...this isn't anything different, is it?  This is just...us."  He smiled, laughed, closed his eyes and shook his head and let a tear slide out.  "The other time, I just pretended that it was a dream, or that it was happening to somebody else.  It felt like we were _both_ other people, Sai. It felt like everything was different.  But...but it's not, it's really not."  The smile widened, and Ryuuen opened his eyes.  "It's not."

They came together, then, melting into each other until it was difficult to decipher where one ended and the other began.  Exploration was slow and careful, and gentle above all things, and when Ryuuen was more comfortable with the warm little world that had closed in around them, Sai brought careful hands to the man's waist.  He let their gazes meet, then, seeking permission--Ryuuen gave it after only a heartbeat of hesitation, and then brought small fingers to the waistband of his pants and wriggled out of them.  

The winter sunlight bathed them in a white glow, making everything seem bright and surreal--but for once, Ryuuen knew that it was not a dream, that it was as rich and sharp a reality as ever existed.  Quite awhile later, lying warm and sleepy in Sai's arms, he was very glad that it was.

~*~


	2. II

[Breathing:  Part II, Chapter II]

~*~  
  


He woke to the sound of voices, and raised his head from the pillow to peer at the door.  In doing so, he realized two things simultaneously:  one, he was naked and swathed in blankets, and two, Sai was lying just behind him, one arm slung protectively over his waist.  For a moment he just lay there, head raised and eyes wide in shock, but then he smiled, let his head fall to the pillow, and relaxed into the warmth of Sai's arms.

_We did it.  We did it, for real this time, and I...I liked it.  Great Suzaku, I liked it.  _

Sai's breathing was warm and steady behind him, and unconsciously, he slowed his own breathing to match it.  

_I could stay here forever, I think.  I really could._

The thought had barely echoed in his mind when, abruptly, the low murmur of voices got a lot louder.

"Yo, Ryuuen and Sai!" came a shout from the living room.  "Fuckin' get your asses out here!"  
  


Despite himself, Ryuuen giggled, bringing a hand to his mouth to muffle the sound.  The movement--or, more likely, Genrou's yelling--stirred Sai from sleep; the younger man came awake with a sleepy groan, stretching as he did so.  Still giggling, Ryuuen twisted onto his back and turned to face the other man.

"Ne, uh, Sai," he said with a lopsided grin.  "Gen-chan's here."  
  


Those amber eyes widened, just slightly, flicking automatically to the door.  After that, however, Sai's features smoothed into their usual state of calm, and he leaned over to kiss Ryuuen on the forehead.  "He can wait," he murmured.  And then, with a hint of a crease sliding through his brow:  "Was it all right that time?  We don't have to do it again if you still don't feel comfortable with it."

Ryuuen studied him for a long moment, contemplating the phrasing of his answer.  "It was good," he said at last.  "It was..."  He smiled, snuggling close to give Sai a tight hug.  "It was perfect.  Thank you."  
  


Sai squeezed back, rubbing a hand along the length of his spine.  "It wasn't just _me_, you know," he said with a grin.  "I'm not sure, but I think you helped, too."

"YOOOOO!" Genrou bellowed.  "We're fuckin' waiting!"

Ryuuen giggled again.  "We better get dressed.  If we're not out there soon, he might come in here."  He sat up in the bed, the blankets pooling at his waist.  "We'll be out in a few minutes, Gen-chan!  Be patient!"  
  


He heard a bit of laughter from outside, and realized with a flush that all of their friends--Houjun, Miaka, Taka, Genrou, Juan, Shouka, and probably Doukun--were out there waiting for them.  The thought made him feel suddenly naked, the flush creeping into a dark blush of scarlet, but before he could cross his arms over his chest, Sai sat up and hugged him from behind. 

"Sweetheart," he said softly, fitting Ryuuen's head neatly beneath his chin, "this is nothing to be ashamed of.  We're both adults, and we've been married for more than seven months.  If it isn't okay now for us to do this now, I don't know when it would be."

Ryuuen sighed, a warm little smile coming to his lips.  "I know.  But it's hard not to be ashamed when your parents drill into you that sex is bad, bad, bad for most of your life, and then throw you out into the world and expect you to be able to have a normal relationship with someone."

"Well," Sai said, bending down to kiss him on the cheek, "our relationship is far from normal, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Now, shall we scout about the room for our pajamas, or are new outfits in order for this get-together?"

"Well, we could always go out there like this and say that our clothes are only visible to people with good taste."  
  


Sai laughed.  "I see.  The emperor's new clothes.  Very clever."  
  


Grinning, Ryuuen twisted to give the man a quick kiss.  "I thought so."

They dressed quickly, a bashful Ryuuen doing so in the bathroom.  Despite their recent intimacy, the thought of dressing in front of Sai still embarrassed him, although he really didn't think it made much sense.  After all, Sai had seen him this afternoon--_all_ of him--and yet somehow, that seemed only to apply to the safe little world beneath the covers.  This was a different world.  This was the world he was used to, the one where even lovers--the word sent a jolt up his spine--did not see one another in states of undress.

Twisting the button of his jeans into place, Ryuuen smiled.  But, it was okay.  Sai understood; he'd laughed out loud at the smaller man's retreat, but had assured him that he wasn't offended at the sudden modesty.  And despite all the years of insecurities stacked against him, Ryuuen knew that the other man was serious.  He wasn't going to go away, not for this or for anything, and knowing that somehow made everything seem brighter.

After tugging a blue polo shirt over his head, the eighteen-year-old leaned his hands on the sink counter and peered at himself in the mirror.  His cheeks were slightly flushed, his lips seemingly intent on smiling, and although his hair was frizzy and sticking up in the back like a purple-haired Dennis the Menace, he thought that he'd never looked so...beautiful.  It was as if Sai's beauty had somehow been superimposed over his own, as if the joining of their bodies had somehow joined more than that.

As if they were a part of each other now, moreso than ever before.  As if they were one.

_Well, if we're one, _he thought wryly, grabbing a hairbrush from the drawer, _the Sai part of me would _never_ want to be seen in public with his hair this messy.  _

After his hair had been coerced into lying flat, he returned the hairbrush and moved to the door, but hesitated before opening it.

"Sai?" he called through the wood.  "Sai, are you done?"  
  


Only silence answered him, and as that silence stretched onward, a little tremble of fear began in his stomach.  

_Don't panic.  It's probably nothing.  Maybe he went out already.  Maybe he's just teasing me.  Maybe he's waiting right ouside the door and when I open it, he'll jump out and..._

But, no.  He...felt something, something that told him that everything was _not _all right.  The tremble of fear in his stomach was twisting into a sick, dark feeling, thundering in his chest and clenching at his heart.  Something was wrong.  Something was wrong, and if he didn't get out there soon...

He couldn't finish the thought.      

He grabbed the doorknob, twisting it hurriedly to the left, but to his horror, it stuck.  Eyes wide and panicked, he shook it back and forth, trying to get it open--the lock, after all, was on the _inside_, and so it made no sense for it to be stuck now.  It was unlocked.  It was unlocked, and yet no matter how much he twisted it, no matter how much he begged and pleaded for it to open, the door knob refused.  

"Sai!" he called again, this time with a break of tears in his voice, still working helplessly at the knob.  "Sai, please, answer me!  Please, I can't get the door open, please!"

He was just about to sink to the floor and give up, helpless tears spilling forth, when abruptly, something changed.  It felt, all of a sudden, as if a warmth had descended upon his skin, like being slowly immersed in a warm bath; the touch soothed the panic from his mind, relaxed his tensed muscles, and even before the voice came to him, he knew that it was Suzaku.

_Nuriko_, the voice of the god whispered_.  Remember who you are.  Remember._

And suddenly, he could feel the sign of the Willow blazing at his collarbone, and before he could reconsider or remember how afraid he was, he'd stepped backwards, tensed his muscles, and then slammed his shoulder into the door as hard as he could.  The wood splintered where he hit into it, tiny chips spraying everywhere, pricking his skin, but he barely noticed them.  

_Once more.  Just once more, and it'll break._  _I know it'll break.  I know it will.  _

_It has to._

Jaw clenched tightly, he took a few steps backwards, moving as far away from the door as he could, his legs brushing against the toilet, and then he began to run.  It was difficult, building up much speed in such a small space, but his leg muscles shoved him forwards anyway, faster and faster, and then just a few steps in front of the door, he bent his knee and leaped forward and twisted in mid-air.  His shoulder slammed into the wood with an audible crunch, although whether of bone or wood, he wasn't sure.  The door bulged outwards as he hit it, straining as if meeting some sort of invisible force field, but after a moment, it broke free and soared outwards.  As he watched, the wood fell to the carpeting with a crash, the impact sending up a breath of cedar-scented wind, and just like that, he was free.

Breathing heavily from the exertion, his shoulder throbbing, Ryuuen stepped out of the bathroom and onto the felled door, and turned with fearful eyes to the bedroom.  He wasn't really sure what he was expecting to see.  Sai, lying on the floor.  Sai, covered in blood.  Sai, gone forever because he couldn't get there in time.  But, Sai _wasn't_ lying on the floor, and Sai _wasn't_ gone forever.  He was standing with his back to the far corner, body bent into a half crouch with fists held out before him.  He was standing.  Not lying.  Not dead.  Standing.  The only visible sign of trauma was a darkening bruise on his left cheek, and a thin, knife-like gash along the length of his right arm.  He was wearing a pair of beige trousers but nothing else, and his bare chest rose and fell in time with his harsh breathing.    

Their eyes met, then, Sai's wide and unusually-fearful; and then the moment broke and they were running towards each other on shaky legs, arms outstretched and features twisted in relief.  A heartbeat later Ryuuen was scooped up into Sai's arms and held close, and everything was all right again.

"Sai," he whispered.  He cleared his throat, forcing a bit of strength into his voice.  "Sai, what happened?  Are you all right?  Who did this?"

Sai was shaking, his muscles visibly tense without a shirt to hide them.  As he drew breath to answer, however, there came a sudden pounding from across the room.  Ryuuen ripped himself immediately from Sai's embrace, spinning around with fists in front of him, jaw clenched in determination--but he relaxed an instant later, recognizing the sound for what it was.

Not wanting to let Sai out of his sight, he took the man's hand to walk to the door, and was just reaching for the knob when there was a pop of displaced air, and suddenly Houjun was standing right beside him.  Ryuuen jumped, falling back against Sai's chest, and the blue-haired man gave a brief apologetic smile.

"Gomen ne no da, Nuriko.  Hotohori-sama."  Armed with memories of the past, Ryuuen couldn't help but find it strange, seeing the monkly magician in a simple white dress shirt and brown slacks.  All thoughts of proper apparel left his mind, however, as Houjun's eyes found the remains of the bathroom door, as well as Sai's wounds, and the smile melted from his features.

"'Chiri, what the fuck is going on in there?" came Genrou's shaky voice through the door.  "They fuckin' all right?"

Houjun turned his head briefly to the side.  "They're all right," he called.  And then, as the murmur of voices began through the door, he turned back to Ryuuen and Saihitei.  "What happened here no da?  I felt..."  He shook his head.  "I felt _something_.  And then, we heard a crash."

Ryuuen glanced at Sai.  "I was in the bathroom," he said in a small voice.  "I...I called for Sai, but he didn't answer, and the door was stuck, so I...I broke it down."    
  


Behind him, Sai drew a deep breath, then let it trickle through parted lips.  His breathing had settled somewhat, and he seemed to have stopped shaking, but his muscles stayed rigid and tight.  "There was someone here," he said quietly.  "A man.  I...sensed him coming at me and turned around, but he was too fast."  Sai shook his head, one hand traveling to the bruise on his cheek.  His voice was very soft, but a thin undercurrent of anger tingled through it.  "By the time I got up, he was coming at me with a knife.  When Ryuuen broke down the door, he just...vanished."

Houjun's face was solemn, but definitely a little paler; his lips were a thin white line. "What did the man look like no da?"

Sai let out a long breath.  "I know who it was," he said quietly.  "I recognized him."

"Who?"  Ryuuen knew his voice was shaking, but the thought of that--of a man with a knife coming after Sai while he waited helplessly in the next room--shuddered through his body like an icy wind.  "Who was it?"

There was no hesitation.  "It was Ashitare," Sai said.  "The Seiryuu shichiseishi.  He looked different--human.  But I know it was him.  I remember...meeting, in the spirit world, and the _feel_ of him is still the same.  It was him."

A long, shocked pause followed.  Ryuuen shook his head, sudden memories of snow and blood streaking across his vision, and it was several seconds before he could speak.

"How?" he finally managed.  "We're...we're five floors _up_, Sai.  How could he get in?  And..."  He shook his head.  "Why?  Why would he want to hurt us?  How would he even know who we are?"  
  


Houjun's jaw clenched.  "If it really was Ashitare no da," he said slowly, "then I don't think he was working alone.  What I...felt...seemed like a barrier, and if what you say is true, Ryuuen, it was probably over the bathroom door.  And probably this door, too.  It blocked you from coming in, and from anyone hearing anything no da."

Ryuuen folded both arms over his chest, feeling suddenly cold; his shoulder still throbbed, but he barely noticed.  "But, _why_?  Why now?  Why us?"

"I don't know, no da," Houjun said.  His eyes flickered to the window, shut tight and locked from the inside.  "I don't know." 

It seemed that that would be the end of the discussion, then, that they would open the door and join their friends and explain what had happened, but just as Ryuuen was reaching for the doorknob, Houjun went rigid.

"Wait," he whispered.  "Wait.  Ryuuen, Taka...Taka told me that you thought Suzaku was trying to lead you and Sai to adopt no da."

Frowning, Ryuuen nodded...and watched as Houjun's tensed features grew even tenser.

"That's why we're here, no da," he murmured.  "Shouka got word today--your adoption is going through.  Since it's a weekend, they won't be contacting you until tomorrow, but it went through.  There's a little boy, three years old, and...and he's yours, if you want him."

Ryuuen brought shaking hands to his mouth, tears suddenly hot in his eyes; a moment later, he felt Sai's strong arms around him, pulling him close.  The tearful joy didn't last long, however.  Hands slowly dropping to his sides, Ryuuen locked gazes with Houjun.

"What has that got to do with this?" he asked in a low, hoarse voice.  He was afraid he already knew the answer.

Houjun's voice was quiet.  "If Suzaku is guiding you to this boy, there must be a reason, even if we don't know it yet.  And if Seiryuu's will is against that reason, he might conceivably send his own warriors to try to prevent you from fulfilling it no da.  It would certainly explain the timing."

Ryuuen shook his head, clasping a hand over his eyes.  "This is crazy," he whispered.

"It is," Houjun said.  "But it also means that you have to make a choice no da."  
  


_A trial awaits you such as you have never faced, and once again, you will need to make a choice._..

The violet-haired seishi swallowed, the hand at his eyes drifting to his collarbone.  The Willow pulsed beneath his shirt, warm and strong as a heartbeat, and the decision was made even before he opened his mouth.

"We're adopting that boy," he said firmly, taking Sai's hand in his own and squeezing it, "and _no one_ is going to take him away from us.  No one."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**N O T E S**

Big thanks, first of all, to everyone who reviewed (in order of appearance ^_~.):

**Mouse-chan: ** You were instrumental, as always, in getting this chapter (and the last) ship-shape and ready to go, and even more instrumental in giving me the courage to actually post my first sex scene!  Yes.  Historic day and all that.  Love ya, Mouse-chan! ^__^.

**Kei-chan: ** *snicker*  Nice manicure you've got there, Gen-chan.  What would Kouji say?  Hrmph. ^__~.  ...anyway.  Thanks for reviewing.  And I don't mind that you can't think of "stuff to say" in your reviews, just as long as you praise me shamelessly in person. :P:P:P

**Qkslvr:**   I'm glad you liked it, and that you thought it was "tasteful."  I really appreciated your review, because Kei-chan and Mouse-chan are obligated to read and review, as I beat them over the heads with rulers if they don't, so it was nice to have a reviewer not bound by violence!  Thanks! ^_~.

**Skittles:  **Thanks for reviewing—and for stopping by some of my old fics!  They were quite surprised to be reviewed, let me tell you. ^_~.

**Trixie:  ** Just so you are aware, Mouse-chan and I both blame our recent corruption on you. ^_~.

**Kaze-chan:  **Bloody hell, what a review!  Whew!  ...thank you so much for giving such a thoughtful, in-depth review!  It really brightened my morning! ^___^.

Yeah, so I was a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit nervous about that last chapter, can ya tell?? ^_^;;;  Eheh.  Anyway, who's this boy Ryuuen and Sai are to adopt?  Why is he so important to the Seiryuu shichiseishi—and to Suzaku, for that matter?  And how the heck did Ashitare get up five floors and into Sai's and Ryuuen's bedroom??  These questions—and more—answered in the next chapter of....BREATHING!  Part II. ^_~.  

~Ryuen


	3. III

[Breathing:  Part II, Chapter III]

~*~

Ryuuen was sulking.  Seated beside him in the passenger's seat, the older man had both arms folded over his chest, legs crossed at the ankle, and was glaring out at the passing scenery with rare malice.  As Sai flicked on his turn signal, preparing to slide the Taurus into the passing lane, he couldn't help but smile at how adept Ryuuen was at maintaining his current state of pouting.  He'd started early this morning, immediately after they "discussed" the importance of keeping his check-up appointment with Dr. Reckner, and he'd been sulking ever since.  Of course, they both knew that he wasn't actually angry; after the disturbing events of the previous evening, Ryuuen hadn't even let Sai venture into another room by himself, so it seemed unlikely that he was truly angry now.  

"I do hope you won't be doing this when we go to the adoption agency this afternoon," Sai said wryly.  He glanced at Ryuuen just in time to see the pout smirk upwards into a wide, goopy smile.  

Upon realizing that his change of mood was being observed, however, Ryuuen folded his arms more tightly against his chest and said, "Hrmph."

Sai shook his head, smiling despite his best efforts not to.  "Ryuuen, sweetheart, I'm sorry.  I know you don't want to go to this."  _I would have to be deaf, dumb, blind, and in another time zone not to, I think._  "But, honey, I just want to make sure that you stay healthy.  If we're going to have a child now, we're going to both need to keep ourselves healthy.  It's not about us anymore--it's about him, and making sure that we stay around for as long as possible to take care of him."  
  


That did it.  Ryuuen grinned again, leaning his head back against the headrest and sighing.

"I can't believe we're going to have a child," he murmured.  "I...I mean, I know that gay adoption is legal in Pennsylvania, and that we're eligible in all the other categories, but I...I just can't believe..."  He shook his head.  

Sai nodded, knowing exactly what he meant.  The odds had been against them from the start.  They were gay, they were just barely above the minimum age requirement, and their marriage wasn't recognized by the state, thus diminishing whatever leverage that status would've given them.  The only way it could possibly have been worse was, perhaps, if he and Ryuuen lived in a large cardboard box in the junkyard down the street.

And yet, it was true.  They'd received the call this morning, although Shouka had more than prepared them for it the night before.  Their adoption had gone through, and after they met the child and filled out some additional paperwork, he would come to live with them and that would be that.  

Of course, that was another problem:  the apartment they shared with Miaka and Taka was comfortable for the four of them, but certainly wasn't ready for a three-year-old addition.  Taka had been very polite about the entire thing, promising them that he would welcome any child of theirs into his home, but a tiny muscle in his neck had been twitching the entire time.  Sai was sure he'd been envisioning his white rug bathed in grape juice, his tidy kitchen splattered with Spaghetti-O's, and everything breakable in the apartment lying shattered on the floor.  That thought brought up another thought, and he knew that it was time to discuss it.  

"Ryuuen," he said slowly, not glancing at the man as he shifted back into the other lane.  "Now that we're going to have a child...  Well, sweetheart, it'll be hard, but we're probably going to have to--"  
  


"To move out," Ryuuen sighed.  "I know."  His gaze drifted to the window, flickering back and forth as the guard rails zipped past the car.  "I wish we didn't have to, but I guess we don't have much choice.  Even if Taka wasn't obsessive about his carpeting, that apartment wouldn't be right for a little kid.  We need someplace where he can have a room of his own."  A tiny smile worked at the man's lips.  "And maybe a little yard to play in."  
  


"Well, I was thinking about it last night."  The younger man chewed on his lower lip, contemplating how best to address the issue; finally, he opted to pull off the edge of the road, bring the car to a halt, and turn on his four-way-flashers.  

He had definitely captured Ryuuen's attention.  The smaller man was staring at him with wide eyes, folded arms loose, one eyebrow slightly raised.  Sai waited perhaps a half a second to gather his thoughts, and then twisted in his seat, reached forward, and took Ryuuen's hand into his own.

"I'd think this was a marriage proposal," Ryuuen said with a shake of his head, "but I'm pretty sure we already did that."  
  


"Ryuuen," Sai said seriously, clasping his free hand over their joined fingers, "there's something that...that I need to discuss with you.  And you don't have to say yes, just think about it."  He drew a deep breath.  "When...when we moved in with Miaka and Taka, you know that it was so we could be near our friends, and not because we couldn't afford anything better.  But with a child...  Well, it just wouldn't be fair to stay in something so small, or to not use every resource available to us to make sure that that child has a good, stable life."  
  


Ryuuen blinked at him.  He wasn't sure if the older man had any idea what he was implying yet, but those slender fingers had tightened slightly around his own.

"I...I want us to buy a house," Sai admitted at last.  "Not a huge one.  But Ryuuen, I've got all this money from my parents' estate, and even more than that in the bank, and I can't think of anything I'd rather use it for.  So, if that's what you want, if you want a house, then...well, sweetheart, I think we should buy one."

He had been expecting happiness.  Joy.  Maybe a hug or a kiss or an excited little yell.  What he was _not_ expecting was for Ryuuen to stare at him for a moment, eyes wide and blinking, and then suddenly burst into tears.    

He opened his mouth to say something, anything really, but before he could, Ryuuen had unfastened his seatbelt with shaky hands, scooted over, and wrapped both arms around the younger man's chest.  Sai's arms went automatically around those small shoulders, clasping them gently, and he was suddenly very glad that he'd thought to pull off the side of the road.

"Oh, Sai," Ryuuen managed after a few minutes, face still buried in the other man's chest.  "Sai, I-I can't believe...I can't believe that you would...that we could..."  He shook his head, drawing a long, shuddering breath, and then raised his head and stared up at the younger man.  His eyes were wet, his cheeks pink and streaked with tears.  "How...how soon could we start looking?"  
  


Sai opened his mouth to answer--then stopped.  "Before I answer," he said slowly, "there's a box of Kleenex in the glove compartment.  Perhaps you should...ah...get them out."  
  


Ryuuen's lower lip began to waver again.  "W-Whyyyy?"

Sai smiled down at him, then leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips.  "Get the tissues first."

Looking vaguely suspicious, Ryuuen slid back into his seat and tugged open the glove compartment; Sai waited until he'd removed the Kleenex packet from inside and dropped it into his lap before speaking.

"All right," Sai said slowly.  "The fact is...we don't have to look.  It seems that Suzaku wants this child to have a home just as much as he wants us to have the child, because...  Ryuuen, a few days ago, my aunt decided to sell her home, and she told me that no matter how much anyone else offered, if I wanted it, she would sell it to me.  She gave me a week to think it over, and now--  Well, I'd say we should take her up on her offer, wouldn't you?"

Ryuuen, to his credit, bit down hard on his lower lip to keep from crying any further, but Sai could see that it was a struggle.  So, while the smaller man was straining to keep his emotions in check, Sai unbuckled his seatbelt and reached forward to draw Ryuuen into his arms, guiding the man's cheek to his shoulder and hugging him close.

"This is so perfect," Ryuuen murmured, voice muffled by Sai's satiny dress shirt.  He gave a thin laugh, then, clutching Sai more tightly.  "If people weren't trying to kill us, this would be the best thing that's ever happened to me."  There was a moment's pause, and then he shook his head, smiling through a fresh onslaught of tears.  "What am I saying?  This is _still_ is the best thing that's ever happened to me.  Sai, thank you _so much_."

Relaxing into the warmth of Ryuuen's arms around him, Ryuuen's body pressing against his own, Sai leaned his cheek against the top of the other man's head and closed his eyes.  There was so much he wanted to say--details about the new house, nestled in a cozy neighborhood only a short drive from their current apartment, all the preparations they were going to have to make to receive this child, the fact that they were going to be late for Ryuuen's appointment if they didn't start driving again soon--but when he opened his mouth, none of that came out.  All that came out was a soft, "I love you."

He could feel Ryuuen's smile, brightening the air between them like a burst of sunlight.  "You'd better," he said softly.  "I'd feel pretty stupid for having married you if you didn't."  
  


They sat like that for awhile longer, warm and silent, the rhythmic ticking of the four-way-flashers rising above even the roar of passing cars.  By the time they pulled out onto the road again, merging back into the flow of traffic, they were already late for Ryuuen's appointment.

~*~

"I-I can't believe you guys'll be leaving."  Hands clasped on the kitchen table, trembling against a white place-mat, Miaka stared tearfully at her two friends.  "It'll be so weird, not...not living with you anymore."

Eyebrows pushing upwards on his forehead, Ryuuen got up from his chair and circled the table, then leaned down to hug Miaka tightly.  "Miaka, it'll be okay," he told her softly.  "We'll just be five minutes down the road, ne?  That's not too far at all!  And you guys can come visit us whenever you want.  I'm sure we could use the help."  He laughed, then, drawing back from the girl and smiling down at her.  "You could even come stay with us for awhile!  There's a guest room, right, Sai?"  
  


Seated at his normal place in the sunny kitchen, back to the stove, Sai nodded.  "There is," he said.  "Right next to ours, just like here."

Biting down on her quavering lower lip, Miaka managed a shaky smile.  "O-Okay.  I guess we could do that."  She drew a long, trembling breath.  "I...I just can't believe how fast everything is changing.  You're gonna have a little boy, and...and you're gonna move out, and--"  She shook her head, voice suddenly small.  "I just wish everything didn't have to change."

Ryuuen studied her for a moment, looking as if he might cry again himself, then dropped to his knees beside her.  Peering up into her face, he drew the girl's hand into his own and held it tightly; his free hand raised to wipe the tears from her cheeks, his lips twisting into a wavering smile.  "What I'm about to say," he said quietly, "is going to sound sappy and Lifetime-movieish, but...well, I have to say it anyway.  Miaka..."  He shook his head.  "Miaka, you will _always_ be my sister, no matter how far away I go or whatever happens.  I mean, do you think it's an _accident_ that we all found each other again in this life?  Do you think it's an accident that out of everywhere in the world, we would all somehow end up in the very same place and be friends?  It's not an accident.  It's not.  It's because we're a part of each other, and we always _will_ be.  So, no matter if we move down the street or across the world, we'll _always_ find each other again, because that's just how it's supposed to be."

"Oh, Ryu-chan," Miaka whispered, springing forward to hug him.  "You're right--"  A laugh bubbled up through her tears.  "--that _was_ really sappy."

They were still laughing a short time later when Taka came through the door, muttering about short lunch hours and diminishing employee benefits, and the news was repeated for his benefit.  And although it was clear that he would miss them, too, there was a certain amount of relief to his voice as he said, "And you'll be moving.._.before_ you bring the boy home, right?"

~*~

Genrou and Juan had removed the broken door from the apartment the night before, depositing its remains in the dumpster out back.  Given their other engagements, neither Ryuuen nor Sai had gotten around to purchasing another door yet, so nothing but air separated the bathroom from the bedroom.  Even so, when the time came for he and Sai to dress for their meeting at the adoption agency, Ryuuen opted to dismiss modesty in favor of staying in the same room with Sai.  Houjun had assured him that, with his wards in place, none of the Seiryuu seishi would be slipping in unannounced again, but Ryuuen wasn't about to take any chances.

He'd nearly forgotten about the bruise on his shoulder; it still hurt a bit, mostly just when it was touched, but against everything else he had to think about, it seemed a small thing.  It wasn't until he'd drawn the shirt up over his head and heard Sai's gasp that he remembered it, and by then it was too late to hide it.

"Sweetheart, your shoulder!" Sai exclaimed, rushing to his side and frowning down at the bruise.  

Despite not hurting terribly much, it looked awful, a huge, mottled splotch of blue and purple that enveloped his upper arm.  Hand going automatically to the spot, despite the prick of pain it caused, Ryuuen stared up into Sai's eyes almost guiltily.  It still felt mildly strange, standing here with his shirt off, but Sai's shirt was off, too, lying in a pile on the floor, and somehow it didn't bother him as much this way.  Half-naked?  Yes.  Alone?  No.  Somehow, that made it a million times better.  
  


"It's okay, Sai," he managed, trying to put as much reassurance into his voice as he could muster.  "It's just a bruise.  It doesn't even hurt that much."  He hesitated, then brought a hand up to the taller man's cheek, where Sai's own bruise was nothing but a slight lump beneath layers of concealer.  "I wasn't the one in danger yesterday, Sai.  You were.  I'm _glad_ I have this bruise, because...because it means that I got out of there in time.  And it really doesn't hurt that much."  
  


Sai studied him for a few moments, frowning and reluctant, then sighed.  His tense features relaxed somewhat, and he slid forward to wrap Ryuuen gently into his arms.  "You don't have to guard me like this, you know," he said softly.  "It may surprise you, but I _can_ take care of myself."  
  


Although it sent a tingle of pain down his arm, Ryuuen tightened his arms around the taller man's chest.  "I know," he murmured, "but it makes me feel better to stay near you."

Gently releasing Ryuuen from the embrace, Sai took a short step back and smiled.  "Well, as luck would have it, I enjoy your company very much, so you may stay near me for as long as you like.  However--"  His gaze flickered to the clock radio on the bedside table, and the smile grew suddenly wider.  "--we have to leave in ten minutes to go pick up--"  His voice trembled on the words.  "--our son...so, I'd say we should get dressed."  
  


Trembling and smiling and thinking he might cry again, Ryuuen nodded and started to dig through the drawers for an appropriate outfit.  Sai did the same beside him, and after at least seven different possibilities were tried on and dismissed, they were finally dressed and ready to go.  Miaka and Taka saw them off, all of them a little tearful, and then the pair trooped downstairs and climbed into the Taurus.  

As he fastened his seatbelt, just tensing his muscles to slide the key into the ignition, Sai asked, "Are you nervous?"

Ryuuen, arms wrapped around his stomach, could only smile.  "I am," he said softly.  "But you know, I've never been so happy to feel like I was gonna throw up in my life."

Laughing, Sai started the car, and they were on their way.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**N O T E S:**

I'm afraid I'm on a time limit at the moment, but I'd like to thank my reviewers for chapter 2:  Kei-chan, shadow priestess, Skittles, trixie, and yanagi-shuku.  Thank you so much, and my goodness, so many of you wrote long reviews!! ^____^.  ...and to answer your question, yanagi-shuku, Mouse-chan and I have known each other for a little under a year. ^_^.

Anyway, this story is clipping right along; I have a lot of plans for it, and the idea of Ryuuen and Sai having a kid and a nice little house in the suburbs is really getting me excited!! ^____^.  Soooo, anyway.  Hopefully I'll have more of this out soon, but until then, review!  I enjoy reviews. ^_~.


	4. IV

[Breathing:  Part II, Chapter IV]

~*~

The room was small, cramped, and cluttered, more a closet with a desk than an office.  Even so, Ms. Harris sat as straight and proud in her chair as if receiving foreign dignitaries, hands folded on her papered desk, chin raised slightly into the air.  Ryuuen thought she looked fairly-young, probably in her late twenties, and he couldn't help but smile at her cropped blonde hair, make-up-less features, and navy suit.  While clearly custom-tailored for her slimmer, shorter frame, it was an unmistakably-male suit, set off by a red striped tie.

"Hi," she said as they entered.  She didn't rise from her chair, but there was a warmth to her voice that put Ryuuen immediately at ease.  "Have a seat, Mr. Chou.  Mr. Seishuku."  One blond eyebrow lifted.  "Oh, and while we're on the subject of names, which of your last names is your child going to be taking?"

They had both been walking towards the room's chairs, shoes crunching on the stiff, stained carpeting, but stopped at that.

"Ahhhhh..."  Ryuuen glanced helplessly at Sai, mouth working without sound.

"Well," Sai said, looking regal in his red sweater and khakis, "we haven't discussed it yet, but I did have a thought."  He glanced back at Ryuuen, a seeking-permission sort of smile on his face.  "What about 'Seishuku-Chou?'  Of course, if you'd rather it was Chou-Seishuku--"  
  


"No," Ryuuen said quickly.  He smiled.  "No.  I like Seishuku-Chou."

"Seishuku-Chou.  Good choice."  Ms. Harris grinned at them, grabbing a piece of paper from somewhere on her desk, a pen from somewhere else, and then jotting something down.  Her gaze flickered back to them.  "You can sit down.  I'd think you'd want to, Mr. Chou.  You're looking a little pale."  
  


Belatedly realizing that he was still standing, Ryuuen gave a nervous little laugh and lowered himself into the chair beside Sai.  As Ms. Harris scribbled, he smoothed at the fabric of his black dress pants, then brushed some dust from the stretchy purple material of his shirt.  He was just reaching down to adjust his cuffs when something warm gripped his hand and held it still.  Glancing to the right, he found Sai staring down at him with a comforting kind of love in his eyes; the man's larger fingers were warm and strong against his own.

"Okay," Ms. Harris said slowly, dragging her eyes back up from the desktop.  "This is usually the part where I leave you alone to fret out your last worries, and I go down the hall and get the child.  But before I do that, I want you to understand something.  Just because you've met Hiroki and talked with him, that does _not mean_ that you should feel obligated to adopt him.  It's always hard for a child to deal with not being adopted, but it's worse when a couple adopts him out of pity.  If you're not absolutely certain that you want to adopt him, don't do it.  It'll be much less painful for him in the end, believe me."

Ryuuen felt a new wave of nausea tumble through his stomach.  _Hiroki.  That's his name.   That's..._  _That's our little boy's name._

Sai's grip on his fingers tightened, just enough to be reassuring, and Ryuuen squeezed back gently.

"So, are you ready to meet him?"  Ms. Harris was studying them with large blue-grey eyes, the hint of a smile pulling at her unpainted lips.  "That's generally the way things are done, but then I suppose we could always make an exception.  I mean, if you'd rather adopt him without meeting him first, we could arrange something."  Her voice was solemn.  "Perhaps a question and answer game, like on one of those blind date shows.  You know.  He stands on that side of the door and you stand on this side, and you ask him if he likes long walks on the beach and Kool-Aid, and if he answers correctly, you take him home.  And if not, we send him back to a foster family with a lovely parting gift."

Ryuuen stared at her for a long moment, blinking, and then he glanced at Sai--

Sai was sitting straight-backed in his chair, regarding Ms. Harris with an utterly-serious expression, lips pursed as if in deep thought.

Maybe it was the nerves.  Or maybe it was Ms. Harris' thinly-veiled sarcasm, or Sai's solemn expression, or...  Whatever it was, Ryuuen couldn't hold it in anymore.  Bringing his free hand to his forehead, he burst out laughing, shoulders shaking and head bent towards the ground.  By the time he was finished, Sai was laughing too, and Ms. Harris was grinning at him triumphantly.  And, it was strange, but as he took a few deep breaths to steady himself, he found that the churning in his stomach was gone, and his muscles were calm and relaxed.  

"So!" Ms. Harris said cheerily.  "Ready now?"

He nodded, exchanging smiling glances with Sai, and the woman rose from her chair and circled the desk.  After smoothing her tie, she gave them a wide smile, said, "Be right back," and marched out through the door.  Her shoes were loafers, black and leathery, and Ryuuen could hear them squeaking the whole way down the hallway.

Swallowing hard, he turned to glance at Sai.  "What if he doesn't like us?" he asked in a hushed voice.  "O-Or what if he's homophobic or something?"

Sai raised an eyebrow.  "Sweetheart, he's four years old.  Typically it takes longer than that for someone to become truly homophobic."  

"But what if he--"  Before he could progress any further into the latest worry, however, Sai leaned in and silenced him with a kiss, rubbing his thumb gently against Ryuuen's cheek as he did so.  

"Ryuuen.  Sweetheart."  Sai drew back from him so the tips of their noses touched, then took both of the smaller man's hands in his own and squeezed them.  "Suzaku wants us to have this child.  We have to trust him."

The eighteen-year-old sighed.  "I know.  But . . . "  He shook his head.  "But so much could go _wrong_."

Sai's eyes were wide and serious, flickers of sunlight from the window glittering in them like tiny bursts of flame.  "It won't," he said firmly.  "I promise you."

Ryuuen opened his mouth to reply, but stopped when he realized that he could hear footsteps coming down the hallway.  Ms. Harris' squeaking loafers were approaching, their rhythm slowed but steady, and joining that creaky melody was a softer, higher-pitched sound . . . as if the owner were wearing tiny shoes.  Stomach twisting, Ryuuen spun in his seat, hearing the squelch of chair leather that meant Sai had done the same. 

"That's him," he heard himself whisper, and was astonished by how steady his voice was.  "That's our little boy.  That's Hiroki."

Sai nodded silently, such a warm, joyful smile on his face that Ryuuen couldn't bring himself to be nervous, anymore--and what was there to be nervous about, anyway?  This was Suzaku's will; this was where they were meant to be, the happiness they were meant to possess.  This was what all the pain and anguish and loneliness of the last life had been for.  It had been for this, for sitting in a cluttered office, twisted uncomfortably in his chair, Sai's hand clasped tightly over his own, waiting for this door to open.  Waiting for their son.

Hot tears pricked at his eyelids, but he pushed them back.  His heart was pounding in his ears, thrumming through his limbs and tingling at his fingers, but somehow, he was sure that he had never been so relaxed in his life.  Everything was a strange, warming contradiction, and these last thirty seconds had somehow smoothed into a lifetime, where death was the opening of that door, and rebirth the child who stepped through it.

The footsteps halted.

Ryuuen held his breath.

As he watched, the tarnished brass of the knob trembled and then, very slowly, began to turn.  With the groan-click of the bolt sliding out of place, the door itself began to move, creeping inwards, hissing with displaced air--and then, as if time had suddenly decided to return to normal speed, the door swung the rest of the way open, thudded against the door stop, and Ryuuen found himself staring into two wide, blinking amber eyes.

"Ryuuen," Ms. Harris said softly, "Saihitei.  This is Hiroki."  
  


Breath rushed back into his lungs, and he gave himself a moment to stare.

Hiroki was tiny, the top of his head coming only to Ms. Harris' thigh, but there was a sort of strength to the way he was standing, a fire to his eyes that seemed to challenge whatever he glanced at.  He had been dressed in a hooded red sweatshirt with the word "INDIANS" printed across the chest, as well as a pair of non-descript blue jeans and white tennis shoes; the only oddity to his clothing was the pendant that hung from his neck, a heart-shaped locket suspended on a frail golden chain.  Rather than puzzle out the locket's presence, however, Ryuuen opted to bring his attention to the boy's features, and carefully let his gaze meet the Hiroki's own.

_Something_ happened when their eyes met.  He wasn't entirely sure what.  But _something_.  A tingle ran through his body, somehow both warm and icy, and strangely, he saw Hiroki's small shoulders tremble at the same moment.  And as he stared into those wide, intelligent golden eyes, the left half-hidden by a tuft of silvery-grey hair, he knew that the expression in those eyes was one of recognition.

_He knows us, somehow...doesn't he?  From--_  He swallowed.  _From the Book?  Who is he?_

He felt Sai's fingers tighten around his own and turned, meeting the younger man's eyes; within them he saw his own concerns, his own fears, his own realizations . . . but, he saw something else, too.  He saw determination, and instantly understood.

_It doesn't matter who he was.  All that matters is that Suzaku has chosen us to protect him, and no matter how difficult it might be, that's what we have to do.  _

_He's ours, now.  He's our son._

The tension draining from his muscles, Ryuuen gave the other man a slight nod, then turned back to Hiroki with a smile.  Much to his surprise, the boy was still gazing up at him, but now his expression had changed.  It was no longer one of recognition.  It was one of _relief_.

"You take me home?"  His voice was so small, his words so broken--it seemed strange to hear such unsophisticated language coming from the owner of those large, knowing eyes.  

Ms. Harris, stationed just behind the boy, gave them a firm and evaluating glance, perhaps attempting to remind them of her earlier words--but Ryuuen just smiled at her.  

"Yes," he said, reaching out to take Hiroki's small, sweaty hand in his own.  "We're taking you home."

~*~

Despite Ryuuen wanting to take Hiroki home as soon as possible, after Sai pointed out that they didn't yet _have_ a home to take him to, the smaller man reluctantly agreed to wait.  Sai's aunt was still in the process of moving her things to her new, smaller home, but she had promised that the house would be ready for them to move into by the end of the week--unfortunately, Thanksgiving was on Thursday, and that presented something of a dilemma.

"Sai, we can't just leave him in an _orphanage_ for Thanksgiving!"

They were still seated in Ms. Harris' office, the young woman reclined thoughtfully in her chair, Hiroki returned to wherever it was that he'd come from.  They had already filled out the necessary paperwork to ensure that the boy would enter their custody, and according to Ms. Harris, could take him whenever they were ready; Ryuuen was considering giving Taka a quick call and asking if he would mind a small visitor for a few days.  

Sai turned calmly to Ms. Harris.  "Would it be possible for us to pick him up on Thursday, take him to dinner, and then return him afterwards?"

The young woman shrugged, tugging absently at her tie as she spoke.  "I don't see why not.  By law, he's your child, now; I don't see why there would be a problem with you taking _your child_ to Thanksgiving dinner.  ...but I'm not so sure you'd be able to return him afterwards.  I'd have to check on it."  
  


Ryuuen folded his arms over his chest, lower lip jutting outwards.  "He's going to have Thanksgiving with us," he said firmly, throwing Sai a look that dared him to say otherwise.  "If we have to keep him at the apartment for a little while, then Taka will just have to deal with it."

"Well," the younger man sighed, "I suppose things will work out somehow.  They have thus far, after all.  Perhaps my aunt will finish her packing earlier than expected."  
  


Ryuuen smiled sweetly.  "Perhaps we could help her."

~*~

**Notes:**  Sorry to stop here, but Thanksgiving dinner awaits, and I must go prepare myself. *nod*  But I did want to post a new chapter to this today, because it's Thanksgiving, and this is my only fic that deals even remotely with the holiday. ^_~.  I wanted to get to the dinner itself, but I'd rather wait and do it when I have more time than rush-rush-rush to get to it now.  So.  I apologize for the brevity of this chapter, but hope that you'll bear with me until I can get on with the next part.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! ^_^.  ~Ryuen


End file.
